I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just threw up on my dentist
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
