none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
