Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
