I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
