Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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