you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
