There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
