I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
