I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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