I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
