In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
