I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize