fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
