dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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