tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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