So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
