She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
