Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
