i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
