The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm really into asian looking animals
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
