the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
