I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I met the friendliest cop last night
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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