Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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