left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
