Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
