So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
