Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
