Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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