Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He? As in you personified your dick?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
