I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
