I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
