I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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