I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
