I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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