I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
