In the future we'll all be gay
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have aggressive nipples.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
