My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
