when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Congratulations! We have a period
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