Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
