God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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