Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
