lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
