Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Terrible idea I love it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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