the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
