Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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