just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
