I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
