drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
