Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
