id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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