I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I lost the right to judge tonight
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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