Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There r osticjed everywhere
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
