i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
