awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
