You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize