we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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