i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
