What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
