We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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