i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
