Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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