I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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