Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
